How to Feel More Confident in a Bathing Suit

QUESTION:

Dear Lisa,

I need your advice. I love the summer but hate wearing a bathing suit. I feel uncomfortable with other people seeing my body and judging how I look! How can I learn to like my body the way it is?

Thanks,

Liz

ANSWER:

Dear Liz,

I love summer too. The vacations, warm weather, and some extra time to relax are why summer is my favorite season. Yet I, too, have dreaded the approach of the "bathing suit." With a twin pregnancy resulting in a c-section delivery and the ups and downs of gaining weight and losing it, I've struggled to accept and love my body. Over the years, my body has morphed and changed tremendously.

But let's be clear, it's not about the number on the scale, the size of your jeans, or the bathing suit; it's about how you feel and think about yourself. When I was younger and thinner, I was very critical and unhappy with my body in a bathing suit; now, at 53, I'm finally beginning to appreciate my body. Research shows that we are not alone. Up to 84% of American women experience body dissatisfaction in their lifetimes.

How To Begin To Love Your Body

Learning to love your body when it doesn't look how you think it should is hard, and it will not happen overnight. Being at war with your body is not healthy, and as a society, we are obsessed with our bodies and how they look.

Acknowledge the Poor Relationship

The first step is to acknowledge that you have a negative relationship with your body, but you want to have a positive, healthy one. I used to hate my body. I mean really hate my body. No matter how much I weighed or exercised, I was never happy with how it looked. But eventually, what I realized was that it wasn't about my body; it was learning to love and accept myself the way I am.

So be accepting of your negative relationship with your body. And acknowledge that you want to create a positive, healthy one. Tell yourself this, and mean it.

Change the Narrative

I couldn't change my mindset until I was able to answer the question, "Why do I want to look different?" Don't skip reflecting on this question because it gets to the heart of the issue.

I believed that things in my life would fall into place once I looked a certain way. I eventually came to realize that this was a myth. Once I realized this, I internalized that looking a certain way will not bring about happiness.

Begin to reframe how you view your body. Develop some mantras that you can repeat whenever you begin to think negatively about your body. A couple of my favorites are:

• My body is an instrument, not an ornament.

• My body is my home, and I will build it up, not tear it down.

• I will not compare myself to anyone else.

Repeating these will help combat the negative inner dialogue that may limit our self-confidence and prevent us from reaching our potential.

Stop Judging Others

When you judge another person's body, you send the message—both to them and to yourself—that bodies and appearance contribute to a person's value. Stop doing this. It only contributes to the negative focus around your body, which affects your mood and well-being. Recognize that if you deserve to be loved and accepted, so does everyone else.

Surround Yourself with Positive Images

Do a social media cleanse. Stop following people you aspire to look like and start following people that love and respect their bodies. Take control of what images and messages you allow into your brain. The people we surround ourselves with influence us more than we realize. That's why you must surround yourself with positive, empowering people.

Final Thoughts

So, Liz, the only one who can change this is you, and you're probably going to have to do it the hard way by changing your way of thinking. Learning to love your body will not happen overnight. Small daily rituals are vital to moving forward on this journey and slowly training your mind over time to stop being so critical of your body. While doing this hard work, make sure you don't miss out on the joys of summer. Make a conscious effort to enjoy swimming and anything that involves a bathing suit. Take it one day at a time and be patient with the process!